Posts tagged life.

Graduated

Trying to deal with the overwhelming feeling of waking up in the morning not having anything to do. Not knowing what the future holds. And the fear that… Not even gonna say anything.

Hire me plz…

#life  

Saw The Used yesterday,

I can die happy now.

Everyone is getting married, starting relationships, having babies, getting promoted, graduating and whatever. And I’m over here just trying to survive the next panic attack. I don’t want to live like this anymore.

#life  

I’m scared.

Whatever little thing I used to call family is falling apart. I’m on the other side of the world. Everything is up in the air and I really don’t have a place to call home anymore.

These feelings are killing me.

#life  

Yesterday,

was such a great day. Went for a long jog with the guy and then stopped to cuddle with puppies on the way home. Now I’m afraid that we need to find a new apartment asap so that we can have all the pups.

#life  

I’m the worst with goodbyes,

I have been so clingy this week and tomorrow I’m leaving to go home for two weeks. It sucks so much and I hate being away from you. After everything we have been through it sucks being apart. Although, I think it is healthy for us it sucks not knowing I can come home at the end of the day and fall asleep in your arms. I’m such a sob.

#life  

So, so, so insanely tired.

I need at least a weeks worth of sleep.

#life  

Lately,

My anxiety has slowly been building up. It’s understandable, we’re going toward finals, work is messier than usual, I’m going home in two weeks for surgery etc..

I have been countering this by going to the gym excessively, and my body is completely dead right now. It’s a good feeling being sore though.

On the other note, I’ve been starting to struggle more and more with coffee. I used to drink excessive amounts but had to cut back because of what it did to my anxiousness. I usually only have one cup in the morning but now I don’t even know. Yesterday I had the biggest anxiety attack ever. It was horrifying and I’m glad I wasn’t alone. It’s funny because it was all due to the coffee. So, decided to stay away from caffein for a while to see if it helps.

Today I picked up a double shift to avoid having to work Saturday since I want to spend as much time as possible with the love before I leave. We’ll see how that goes without any coffee since I’m already feeling drained.

Err. I guess this post reflects my brain lately. All over the place..

#life  #anxiety  

Midnight Reflection

So, during the past half year or so I’ve been worried that my lack of giving a fuck at my job is going to lead to bad things. But turns out that although I sometimes get furiously angry and swear at my managers, or punch walls, or yell at my team members, or tell my director to back off, they still want to keep me as a supervisor and they still consider me a top performer.

Also, today, I worked with a 5 star, Forbes listed, famous luxury resort (which I of course did not know because of the lack of fucks given), and their director was there (which I of course had no clue of because of the lack of even less fucks). I was basically just there to get through another night with idiot co-workers so I could get home and go to bed. However, I ended up getting offered a position for above mentioned top-notch resort, because apparently above mentioned director loved me.

So point of story, I guess, not giving a fuck is the way to go. eh.

#life  #work  

New Zealand

Lately I have been finding myself with an extreme longing for New Zealand. I don’t know why. I think it is the fact that it is so far away, one actual fear that I have is that I’m never going to find an opportunity to go back. I miss the free spirited life and the beautiful nature. Maybe it’s just the thought of being far far away from worries and routines.. Idk.