Everyone is getting married, starting relationships, having babies, getting promoted, graduating and whatever. And I’m over here just trying to survive the next panic attack. I don’t want to live like this anymore.
Posts tagged life.
Whatever little thing I used to call family is falling apart. I’m on the other side of the world. Everything is up in the air and I really don’t have a place to call home anymore.
These feelings are killing me.
was such a great day. Went for a long jog with the guy and then stopped to cuddle with puppies on the way home. Now I’m afraid that we need to find a new apartment asap so that we can have all the pups.
I have been so clingy this week and tomorrow I’m leaving to go home for two weeks. It sucks so much and I hate being away from you. After everything we have been through it sucks being apart. Although, I think it is healthy for us it sucks not knowing I can come home at the end of the day and fall asleep in your arms. I’m such a sob.
I need at least a weeks worth of sleep.
My anxiety has slowly been building up. It’s understandable, we’re going toward finals, work is messier than usual, I’m going home in two weeks for surgery etc..
I have been countering this by going to the gym excessively, and my body is completely dead right now. It’s a good feeling being sore though.
On the other note, I’ve been starting to struggle more and more with coffee. I used to drink excessive amounts but had to cut back because of what it did to my anxiousness. I usually only have one cup in the morning but now I don’t even know. Yesterday I had the biggest anxiety attack ever. It was horrifying and I’m glad I wasn’t alone. It’s funny because it was all due to the coffee. So, decided to stay away from caffein for a while to see if it helps.
Today I picked up a double shift to avoid having to work Saturday since I want to spend as much time as possible with the love before I leave. We’ll see how that goes without any coffee since I’m already feeling drained.
Err. I guess this post reflects my brain lately. All over the place..
So, during the past half year or so I’ve been worried that my lack of giving a fuck at my job is going to lead to bad things. But turns out that although I sometimes get furiously angry and swear at my managers, or punch walls, or yell at my team members, or tell my director to back off, they still want to keep me as a supervisor and they still consider me a top performer.
Also, today, I worked with a 5 star, Forbes listed, famous luxury resort (which I of course did not know because of the lack of fucks given), and their director was there (which I of course had no clue of because of the lack of even less fucks). I was basically just there to get through another night with idiot co-workers so I could get home and go to bed. However, I ended up getting offered a position for above mentioned top-notch resort, because apparently above mentioned director loved me.
So point of story, I guess, not giving a fuck is the way to go. eh.
Lately I have been finding myself with an extreme longing for New Zealand. I don’t know why. I think it is the fact that it is so far away, one actual fear that I have is that I’m never going to find an opportunity to go back. I miss the free spirited life and the beautiful nature. Maybe it’s just the thought of being far far away from worries and routines.. Idk.
This cold that started exactly a week ago just doesn’t want to leave my body. It sucks because I had finally started to feel like my mind was on the same level as my body and working out was easier than ever. But nope, now I haven’t been able to go to the gym in a week and it sucks.
So my dad happens to come by the city for the weekend. For anyone who didn’t know already, we happen to not get along so well (or not at all). So, I guess this is gonna be a long one, filled with headaches and anxiety.
Today I prepped myself by taking a long run, 6miles. So hopefully I won’t have that much energy left over to argue during our dinner. Gonna meet up with him in about an hour and I’m hoping for the best.